Well, it is the last day of 2008. This year has been a struggle for me in accepting change and loss.
When I began this blog, on my first post I ended with this goal: "A new journey to a place of vulnerability with those who might be interested..." I think I haven't been vulnerable enough.
This is supposed to be about removing my masks, isn't it?
It's easy to talk about the life of my father in the spring, but not about the ache in my heart that finally came crashing through on Christmas Eve...
...or of the pride of Emma's high school graduation and new venture in her life as she's off to college. Expressing my sense of solitude with her absence (and the myriad of friends in our home on a constant basis, bringing with them all the sounds of laughter)...the quietness isn't something I've talked about. Then there is the change in how I spend my days. It is exciting to work with children I've grown to love from The Gap School, and yet I haven't mentioned how much I miss my RHS kids and the hole they've left.
This has been a year of profound change for me. I confess I feel unexcited about this upcoming year, and even fearful at times about what could happen. The Man About The House and I have spent this past week talking about faith in God to take care of the future and entrusting to Him 2009. At what point do I let go of feelings and rely on my faith in God that has seen me through each moment of my life?
I think that is my goal as this year ends: to focus more on the finisher of my faith, and leave what is behind.
God's best to you in 2009
5 comments:
It's not easy being vulnerable, period. And it's not easy accepting the harder emotions as we go through hard times.
What are you fearful of?
I'm mostly fearful of something (who knows what) coming into my life that hurts as much as some of the pain I've felt this past year. I fear what that could be, the unknown. Are we really all going to be here, together and happy a year from now?
Kind of the opposite of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"...trying to believe that 2009 WILL be better than this past. I don't want to stagnate in these emotions. I want to move forward and not have it hurt so much.
Live where your Soul is, Shari, because it can handle the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, the tears and the smiles. I'm going through all of that right now and wonder how I can get through today or tomorrow, let alone 2009! BUT I do believe these changes are Soulful and get at what's really important. We probably wouldn't have started 2008 if we had seen it from this past Dec. 31. But maybe Dec. 31, 2009, will delightfully surprise us. "In quietness and in confidence shall be our strength."
Thank you both, dear sweet aunts.
Today was sweet at school, after a quiet house yesterday for the first time in 3 weeks.
Funny stories to tell of my adorable students, and a settledness in routine (the new normal) complete my day today.
What about you two?
"Be not afraid.....I have called you by name; you are mine...... When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;.....For I am the Lord, your God.......you are precious and honored in my sight, and....I love you." (Isa. 43:1b-4a)
Shari -- I often go to the above Scripture for the calming of my spirits -- I love the reminders!
You (emphasize "you") are precious to me, too, and I love you so much!! Mom
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