Well, it is the last day of 2008. This year has been a struggle for me in accepting change and loss.
When I began this blog, on my first post I ended with this goal: "A new journey to a place of vulnerability with those who might be interested..." I think I haven't been vulnerable enough.
This is supposed to be about removing my masks, isn't it?
It's easy to talk about the life of my father in the spring, but not about the ache in my heart that finally came crashing through on Christmas Eve...
...or of the pride of Emma's high school graduation and new venture in her life as she's off to college. Expressing my sense of solitude with her absence (and the myriad of friends in our home on a constant basis, bringing with them all the sounds of laughter)...the quietness isn't something I've talked about. Then there is the change in how I spend my days. It is exciting to work with children I've grown to love from The Gap School, and yet I haven't mentioned how much I miss my RHS kids and the hole they've left.
This has been a year of profound change for me. I confess I feel unexcited about this upcoming year, and even fearful at times about what could happen. The Man About The House and I have spent this past week talking about faith in God to take care of the future and entrusting to Him 2009. At what point do I let go of feelings and rely on my faith in God that has seen me through each moment of my life?
I think that is my goal as this year ends: to focus more on the finisher of my faith, and leave what is behind.
God's best to you in 2009
